It feeds your ego when you buy a nicer car or get a better job than someone else. You feel great for a while. But this mindset and the focus on comparing always winds up in you noticing someone that has more than you. That someone has an even better job or car than you.
The thing is that there is always someone with better or more than you. Look at how you have grown and what you have achieved. Appreciate what you have done and what you have. Besides comparing yourself to yourself it can be helpful to add a regular gratitude exercise to your life to minimize the envy. So take just two minutes out of your day to focus on being grateful for all the things you got. Make a list of them in your head or write them down in journal at the beginning or end of the day.
Maybe you feel envious because someone else got the job you wanted. Or because someone else got the opportunity that you had hoped for. Perhaps you are feeling envious because you are afraid of losing something and feel that if you do then you have hit rock bottom.
Focusing your mind on the scarcity can really screw with your thoughts, feelings and life. It can cause much stronger negative emotions than is really reasonable. And it gets you really stuck in the envy, intensifying it, making it stronger and more long-lasting by feeding it with more thoughts and emotional energy.
To get out of this confining and destructive mentality you can choose to focus on the opportunities and the new chances. You can develop an abundance mentality.
This way of thinking relieves much of the pressure you may feel if you have a scarcity mentality that makes you think that you only got this shot right now. So keep your focus steadily on the opportunities, on the new chances, on what you can learn from your failures as best you can instead of confining your mind and your life. And each time I fall back into that negative headspace and behaviour I remind myself of this question and the answer.
When you are being envious you may not take chances or go into the unknown. You just judge people that have taken the chances from the safety of the sidelines. Feeling envious can also make you feel like a victim. Such a mentality may sound very unattractive for anyone to want. But in reality it brings you attention and validation because you can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out.
Taking responsibility for your own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just heavy sometimes. Please add me to the list. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website.
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It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. An envy attack can involve: Putting you down — either overtly, or subtly.
Provoking a reaction in you, from anger to sadness to outrage — then standing back and watching sparks fly.
Undermining your opinion or stance so you begin to doubt yourself. Showing off about their own achievements, or the accomplishments of their children or other family members, even when rather modest. This can feel humiliating. Copying you — or pre-empting you beyond the limit of simple flattery.
Generally just making you feel bad about yourself. How to survive an envy attack: If you start to feel small, this is what the envious person wants. Try to catch that feeling of diminishing yourself and stop yourself from doing it. Remind the envious person of their own strengths and successes. Encourage them to count their own blessings. Create ways to protect your energies from being sucked out of you.
Think about visualising yourself in a protective bubble, so any envy attack coming your way can bounce off you. In her consulting room she sees young women, self-conscious about how they look, who begin to follow certain accounts on Instagram to find hair inspiration or makeup techniques, and end up envying the women they follow and feeling even worse about themselves. But she also sees the same pattern among older businessmen and women who start out looking for strategies and tips on Twitter, and then struggle to accept what they find, which is that some people seem to be more successful than they are.
We gaze at our slimming, filtered OutfitOfTheDay, and we want that body — not the one that feels tired and achy on the morning commute. There is a different, even darker definition of the concept of envy. For Patricia Polledri, psychoanalytic psychotherapist and author of Envy in Everyday Life, the word refers to something quite dangerous, which can take the form of emotional abuse and violent acts of criminality.
Not just wanting it for yourself, but wanting other people not to have it. This can make it very difficult for envious people to seek and receive help, because it can feel impossible for them to take in something valuable from someone else, so strong is the urge to annihilate anything good in others and in themselves.
As a cognitive behavioural therapist, Dryden is less interested in the root causes of envy, focusing instead on what can be done about it.
When it comes to the kind of envy inspired by social media, he says, there are two factors that make a person more vulnerable: low self-esteem and deprivation intolerance, which describes the experience of being unable to bear not getting what you want.
To overcome this, he says, think about what you would teach a child. We could also try to change the way we habitually use social media. Kross explains that most of the time, people use Facebook passively and not actively, idly and lazily reading instead of posting, messaging or commenting. While it is less clear how active usage affects wellbeing, there does seem to be a small positive link, he explains, between using Facebook to connect with others and feeling better.
Perhaps, though, each of us also needs to think more carefully when we do use social media actively, about what we are trying to say and why — and how the curation of our online personas can contribute to this age of envy in which we live.
When I was about to post on Facebook about some good career-related news recently, my husband asked me why I wanted to do that.
I did not feel comfortable answering him, because the truth is it was out of vanity. Because I wanted the likes, the messages of congratulations, and perhaps, if I am brutally honest, I wanted others to know that I was doing well.
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